


One day

by Rattastic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depressed Hinata Shouyou, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:28:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24142102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattastic/pseuds/Rattastic
Summary: Kageyama is perfect. Of course that's why Suga loves him. Hinata is pathetic. Of course that's why Kageyama doesn't love him.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 156





	One day

He is perfect, everything he does is perfect. The way he sets the ball, the way he carries himself, his perfect body, tall and fit. He probably didn’t faint the other day from overexertion and starvation. He probably doesn’t have to push himself past his max so he doesn’t get left behind. He is perfect. Of course he is, he is Kageyama.

All I am is Hinata, no one special, just bland, my only talent being fast and jumping. Thats not impressive. Its lame. Its so pathetic, of course me the pathetic loser had to fall for perfect Kageyama, my best friend, partner, and person I hate the most. 

It’s sad really. How out of his league I am. He would never think about me. Instead he is dating the amazing Suga. Of course he likes Suga, Suga is gorgeous, tall, good at volleyball, a great setter, everything I’m not. 

And of course I have to act supportive and listen to Kageyama talk about how much he loves Suga. It’s my job as best friend to give him advice when they fight and to congragulate Kageyama when he tells me they had sex for the first time. 

It hurts so fucking much. Like someone is twisting a knife in my chest everytime I see them smiling at each other, laughing, being happy. I hate feeling this way. They are so perfect together. 

I can never be with Kageyama, I’ve accepted that. Even though I accepted it doesn’t mean I don’t hurt. Doesn’t mean I don’t slice up my thighs and hips everyday. One cut for every time they looked at each other, one for every secret kiss they exchanged throughout practice, one for every time they tell each other how much they love one another. One for how perfect Kageyama is. Five for how much I hate myself. 

When I’m done each day, I just clean up, bandage up, and act like I didn’t just cut myself. I go on through my days. Wincing when the bandage rubs wrong, or when I land on fresh cuts when diving. But hey the pain is worth it. I deserve the pain. I’m worthless. 

But despite how I feel, I don’t cry. I never cry. Until I get caught. 

They weren't supposed to be in here, they were supposed to be heading home. Daichi wasn’t supposed to forget his wallet and come back to the club room while I’m changing. He wasn’t supposed to notice the bandages. He wasn’t supposed to demand to see my thighs.

Suga and Asahi weren’t supposed to come looking for Daichi when he took longer than expected. They weren't supposed to see the disposed bandages on the floor as I broke down crying in Daichi arms. 

They weren’t supposed to tell me its okay, they weren’t supposed to comfort me. Because it’s not okay, and I don’t need comforting. I’m not okay. I don’t deserve their hugs and words of comfort. 

I don’t deserve anything except to die. I’m worthless and broken, and when somethings worthless and broken you throw it away. 

They didn’t throw me away though. They just hugged me and whispered consoling words. 

They brought in Takeda sensei to talk to me, when I refused they told me that I need to get help. 

The only help I need is for Kageyama to love me. But I know that will never happen, he has Suga. So I listen to Takeda sensei. 

I go to the school therapist, I get put on depression meds. And it starts to feel like I might be alright. I can get over this. I can get over Kageyama. I can learn to love myself. And hey if I fall in love with a salty tall blond crow along the way, and confess to him, and he loves me back then thats fine with me. I can be happy again. One day.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fanfic, so it's probably pretty bad :)


End file.
